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Thursday, 11 June 2009
Tuesday, 26 May 2009
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If you don't have any plans for the big weekend coming up, I've got a fantastic idea: Why don't you come join my family and me at our country house? You can spend a few days relaxing in the sun, taking walks through the vast and immaculately landscaped grounds, and feeling degraded and ashamed by your inferior station in life.
It'll be great! You can see all the terrific stuff we own!
No, seriously, I insist. And please, don't worry about bringing anything with you. We're more than able to accommodate your every need in a lavish manner you can't possibly be accustomed to, and anything you did bring would appear a bit laughable in the surroundings of our seldom-used, no-excess-spared second home.
Oh, please say yes. You can pretend to take it easy while actually riddled with debilitating social anxiety. We, if not you, would just love it.
I'll send a car for you. It won't be any trouble. And just to make you feel even more uncomfortable, I'll send the car at a time when you have to be at work. How's Friday afternoon? Because, in my mind, who would be working on a Friday afternoon? The uniformed driver will have to wait for hours, but don't worry. He won't complain. If he did, he'd lose his job!
From the moment he opens the car door, you won't have to lift another finger all weekend. Won't that be divine? You can just put your feet up and watch the lovely countryside whip by while you desperately try to figure out if you're supposed to tip the gracious chauffeur, or if that would be insulting. And once you arrive, you'll be greeted by our household staff, who can provide you with everything you'll need to be seized by a deep and abiding sense of socioeconomic guilt that can only come from having a 50-year-old man bring you iced tea.
Doesn't that sound like a fun way to spend your weekend?
I promise, you'll have a great time feeling envious of everything you see. Do you like movies? We have a private screening room that seats fifty.
I can see you're reluctant, but there's no need to feel shy. You can have the guesthouse all to yourself, sleeping in a bed that isn't nearly as nice as the ones in the main house, but is still far, far better than whatever flea-bitten mattress you're used to.
Pamper yourself! We don't mind. We're used to hosting lesser people, and trust me, we'll hardly even notice you're there.
Plus, you must meet my family. As rich as I am, they're even richer, and you can bet their facial expressions won't bear even the slightest trace of the condescension they'll feel toward you—if they bother to feel superior at all. Either way, they'll be painfully polite.
Come to think of it, we're having our monthly polo tournament this weekend. That would be terrible for you! Since you've never ridden a horse, we can have our professional instructor awkwardly trot you around in a circle behind the stables while the rest of us engage in sophisticated horsemanship you'll never in your life come close to achieving.
There are so many ways for you to feel silly and out of place. You could join us in a game of croquet and feel desperately awkward, or just have a drink while you watch and feel even more awkward! Or, if you'd like to just be alone for a while, there's a room bigger than your entire apartment that we hardly ever use, so you won't be disturbed except by your own constant, crippling uneasiness.
Oh, please, please say yes? It wouldn't be a weekend without you there feeling hopelessly inadequate. You won't be in the way at all. Just make yourself at home and pretend we're not quietly looking down on you.
It'll be so fun for us!
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
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Graduation is an exciting time in your life, and like most exciting times, it's bound to be accompanied by a fair amount of awkward moments. While it's sure to be an unpredictable few days, we can absolutely guarantee that a few things will definitely happen:1. One of Your Relatives Will Say Something Racist, Then Make an Apology That's Even More Racist
Most relatives are like Will Smith movies: You see them once a year and they preach to you for two hours about something anyone with half of a brain already knows. Unfortunately, there's always one relative whose world-view is a little behind the times, and when you've come to greet your family after graduation with some of your friends, they'll say something like, "We couldn't find you down there, then I saw that you were behind that big chinaman. There's so many of them! It's like they're takin' over!" Then, the Chinese family behind you will all turn their heads toward your family, causing your relative to say something like, "Nah, I mean takin' over in a good way, y'know, 'cause they're good at math and science and laundry and stuff."2. Someone in the Crowd Will Have a Dumbass Sign
Graduations are like WWE events; There’s a bunch of people grabbing a mic and talking, and everyone in the stands is holding up a sign that only makes sense to the four people they’re sitting next to that helped them make it. Usually it takes six people standing up to display the sign, and since they’re never sure when you’re coming on stage, and every graduate is dressed the same, they end up getting up and sitting down like they’re club goers at the jersey shore, and someone stepped on their shoe, then quickly apologized.
3. You Will Be Annoyed By Drunken Graduate Sorority Girls
Remember that group of loud, obnoxious sorority girls that ruin every college bar you’ve ever gone to by getting too drunk and talking loudly about how everyone else isn’t attractive enough to talk to them? Well somehow, they got to graduate too, and you’d better believe that they’re showing up completely plastered. They’re easy to spot, thanks to the hodgepodge of inside jokes puffy-painted onto their graduation caps and accessorized with all sorts of annoying, attention-grabbing glitter and pipe-cleaners and shit that only a drunken idiot would find cool. If you happen to have the misfortune of being blind, and your echo-location skills don’t work in the crowded graduation hall, just listen for the high-pitched squeals of mindless whores stumbling over each other, and screaming incessantly to one another about how “their graduation robes are so much hotter than everyone else’s.”4. Someone You Don't Really Know Will Introduce You To Their Parents
Remember that kid that you sat two seats down from in your Space Sciences class during the second semester of your freshman year? Of course you don’t, but guess what? He remembers you, and he can’t wait for you to meet his parents. Having your family visit for your graduation is a lot like finding a dead squirrel in your car engine: it’s really not a good thing at all, but you still feel obligated to show it to everyone that you come into contact with for a short time thereafter. The best thing to do when introduced to someone’s family is to smile, be cordial, and get the encounter over with as quickly as possible. Also, for some reason there’s about a sixty percent chance that the kid in your Space Sciences class is named “Kevin.” I don’t know why, but it’s true.5. There Will Be A Large Applause for a Handicapped Graduate
No matter who they are, or what they did, every time a person in a wheel chair, or with a clear physical disability, receives their diploma, the crowd reacts like that person just sank a three-pointer at the buzzer in game 7 of the NBA finals. This is great, because if there’s one thing handicapped people like, it’s people applauding them solely because they’re handicapped. To really hammer home the point, the audience is tired from loudly applauding, so the next person who gets up, also graduating with the same degree, gets a reaction like it’s the ninth inning of a 12-2 Florida Marlin’s game and someone got a bunt single.6. Someone On a Cell Phone Will Try to Tell Someone Else Where They Are
No matter how loud, or how large a crowd you’re in, inevitably, there’s someone next to you on a cell phone attempting to shout instructions on how to locate them like it’s the fucking climactic scene of National Treasure and if they’re not found within seconds, a lever will be pulled and they’ll sink into the earth, never to be found again. The worst part is, their instructions usually consist of giving non-descript clues like they’re playing a game of charades and they want people to guess “Chairman of the federal reserve": “I’m sitting next to a bunch of people in suits...a guy next to me has brown hair...um...I’m waving?!"
7. The Keynote Speaker Will Make a Horrible Analogy
The odds are pretty good that your graduation’s keynote speaker is going to be some obscure author or incompetent politician who has absolutely no way of relating to an audience of bushy-tailed, optimistic young adults. In order to compensate for this, the keynote speaker will make an attempt at an analogy of some sort, to try to bridge the gap between what they know and what it’s like to graduate right now. It’s impossible to tell exactly what type of analogy it will be, but there is one thing that you can be absolutely sure of: it’s going to be terrible. Don’t be surprised to hear something like this:“In 1885, a whale hunting ship got stranded in the polar ice caps. In the dark of the arctic night, they found themselves hopelessly lodged in 30-foot deep glaciers. Despair was all around them, and within weeks, they were starving. Eventually, the whalers began eating one another, until one last, gluttonous sailor remained. He froze to death several days after, because, after consuming his fellow crewmen, he was now too fat to drag himself off of the deck of the ship. But what happened to the whales that the crew was hunting? Those whales survived. Just like you’ll survive…as college graduates.” (Enormous applause follows)
Monday, 18 May 2009
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Fans of Lost, Fringe and the new Star Trek may have noticed a couple of recurring themes running through JJ Abrams' work, making us think that he's trying to tell us something. But what?
JJ Abrams is a time-traveler from a parallel Earth here to prepare us for some kind of upcoming reality shift. Really, it's the only solution that makes sense.
Think about it. Lost has turned into your weekly primer on the rules of time travel and what can, and can't be done by those sailing the silver seas of the chronoverse. Its creators have spoken before about how they've had to sneak in the more science fictional aspects of the show before this past season's all-out time travel insanity, in order to lure in unsuspecting, potentially sci-fi-phobic audiences, and that's clearly because they are the ones who need to be taught this stuff the most. Sure, most of us know our time travel rules - So much so that we suspect that even detonating a hydrogen bomb through the brute force of lost love isn't going to undo everything as much as cement a new timeline and bump the Lostees forward in time so that they can meet NotLocke - but not everyone is as... let's go with "educated," shall we? as us. Hurley and Miles' most important roles in Lost season 5 were to bring the newbies up to speed about what time travel is all about.
Fringe, meanwhile, dropped the pretense of being an enjoyable dumb-science procedural in the last few weeks of its first season, as soon as Walter wheeled out that chalkboard and started trying to explain the multiverse to us all. Now, I'm not buying the "And that's where deja vu comes from!" aspect of the explanation at all, but you have to take some of it with a grain of salt thanks to Akiva Goldsman's involvement; nonetheless, there's now a whole new audience out there who have discovered the idea of parallel Earths and Schrödinger's cat (Okay, maybe that one is better illustrated here), just as Lost has educated them about time travel.
And then we come to Star Trek, which demonstrates to the previously unaware that time travel + changing the past = parallel timeline. I mean, okay, so it really demonstrates that time travel + changing the past = everyone becomes a younger, hotter version of themselves, but you get what I'm saying. It's a movie that takes the lessons of Abrams' two television shows and puts them into something approaching practice... But for what end?
Clearly, Abrams' entire career to date has not been one of merely entertainment, but instead a cunningly disguised form of education in scientific theories unlikely to be taught in even the most liberal schools (Even Felicity ended with time travel shenanigans!). We may not know exactly why he is trying his best to make sure that as many people as possible understand the nature of time travel and parallel universes - Perhaps he's taunted us with an evil master plan that he intends to carry out when he tires of being called the new Spielberg - but the evidence is unmistakable. All we can do now is hope that interviewers in future will be able to ask him more pointed, valuable questions... before it's too late.
Thursday, 14 May 2009
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so you have ip q's eh?
So, I've been talking about IP and law lately - here's some Q's I had that a friend answered. Enjoy yo'self!
1. Is there any chance I can still get a summer associate position with a firm (anywhere in the US) this summer, or is it mostly too late? If its not too late, how should I go about it?
It's probably too late to find a summer associate position. Most of the positions were filled by December. In fact, I've heard that a lot the people who actually got offers have had them either rescinded or shortened. In that case, my typical suggestion is to check out the PTO. Unfortunately, right now they are on a hiring freeze and it doesn't look like that's going to change any time soon.
At this point, if you're not looking for something full time, I'd say there's a very small chance of finding something just for the summer. If you are looking for something more permanent, there are opportunities around. (the site I use the most is www.indeed.com) Some firms don't require that you have your agent number before they hire you, the only thing they require is the eligibility to take the test. They will eventually require that you have it, but you'll still be able to get a job without it.
However, if you are just looking for experience and $$ isn't a factor, the IP clinic runs all summer long so you could pick up a few credits while getting the experience.
Here's a link to some general clinic info: http://www.law.umaryland.edu/programs/iplaw/practice.html
Patrica Campbell is the faculty contact for that: pcampbell@law.umaryland.edu
Another good person to talk to is Hillary Hansen: HHansen@law.umaryland.edu she's fairly new to the school and she was brought on to help coordinate IP internships and externships. I spoke to her last week and it seemed like she had a lot of opportunities she was "working on" so maybe she could also help find something for the summer.
Also, Professor Sung is the head of the IP department and a really great resource. I believe his background is biotech so he may be able to help point you in a much better direction than I can. http://www.law.umaryland.edu/faculty/profiles/faculty.html?facultynum=122 He's great, very approachable and a wealth of information. He'll go out of his way to see you as much as possible, but if you are having trouble getting a hold of him at school, he's more than willing to meet you in DC (I'm not sure where you are coming from).
2. What should I do for next year to position myself to get a good/prestigious summer position?
I believe we talked a little about this. By good/prestigious you mean "big firm," right? (I get so lost in all the terminology) I would say the best thing you could do is to go to the Loyola IP convention in Chicago in July. They sent out an email about it a little while ago. If you need the info, let me know. The other thing you could do is go talk to CDO. In my experience, they have not been all that helpful, but if you go to them now, they may talk to you about the bidding process, etc. when firms come on campus. Unfortunately, I think they will tell you that they won't really talk to you about specific things until Fall semester next year. But pump them for as much info as they are willing and able to give.
I have found the only way to really get any progress that makes sense is by looking for firms on my own. But again, talk to Prof Sung and Hillary and see if they know of any opportunities off hand. Since IP law is a broad definition for a lot of different aspects of intellectual property, depending what you're interested in, sometimes it's hard to differentiate the firms that are doing a lot of patent IP work and those who do just do trademarks and copyrights. Typically, if I'm looking for firms doing patent prosecution, I check out the yearly "Top patent firms" rankings. Here's a link to the current one: http://www.iptoday.com/articles/2009-3-top-patent-firms.asp
Here's also a listing of the IP organization websites. They are helpful for job stuff as well as gathering information. AIPLA has a local job fair every fall too.
IP Organizations
http://www.marylandiplaw.com/promo/about/
http://www.aipla.org/
http://www.ipo.org/AM/Template.cfm?Section=Home
http://www.law360.com/
http://www.iptoday.com/
3. Do you know of any good resources to explain the IP field? I only decided on law school after my masters, and thus have little knowledge as to the differenecs between patent litigation, prosecution, other fields, etc...
For good resources, check out those web pages above. They have a lot of information on them. As for the differences between IP law, here's the quick and dirty:
First, IP is in it's simplest terms (this by no means is an official definition. I just find it helpful in conceptualizing all the different types) ....a property right based on ideas. So think of the idea as a house and when you are working on IP rights, you are basically defining and fighting for the fence line that surrounds the house. To continue my metaphor, when you are dealing with patent prosecution, no fences have been placed yet. You as a patent practitioner are working with the Examiner to determine where the fence should go. It doesn't do anyone much good if you put the fence right on top of the house because than there's not much (if any) difference between the boundaries of the wall of the house and the fence.Your job is to advocate for as much land as possible and the Examiner is working to make sure your boundaries are fair but not too much. In patent litigation, you are "defending" your homestead. The fences are in place and if you are on the prosecution party, someone has invaded your land (without paying). If you are for the defense, you are the party doing the alleged invading.
There's a lot more involved with each of these and I've had the opportunity to work on a lot of stuff in both areas. I'd be happy to share my experiences and knowledge if you're looking for more details. One of the things I feel strongly about is that to be a really good litigator, I think you have to have some prosecution background. Others disagree and it's not a requirement. Patent work is a lot of word games that are not intuitive. I feel like unless you've played the game in the trenches, it's a lot harder to see what games you can "play" in the litigation world. But that's just my two cents, you certainly don't need it.
Two other patent fields that bear mentioning include licensing and patent portfolio work. Licensing is when you agree to pay someone else to use their rights or someone pays you for use of your rights. And portfolio work is when you are looking at a bunch of single patents that together make a whole. For example, you typically don't just get a patent for a car, but you get one patent for the tires, one for the engine, one for the windshield wipers, etc. It's more big picture work.
The other facets of IP include trademark and copyrights. I know very little about either. But www.uspto.gov may be helpful. They have a lot of stuff on there.
4. In general, what kind of grades do we have to have to get into the field? Are GPA's secondary to a strong background in science, or are they just as important as they are for other students hoping to get corporate/firm jobs?
I think for this one, it bears a typical legal answer...it all depends. I've worked at a big general practice firm in DC and I'm currently working at a small IP boutique firm. (general practice means they do all kinds of law and boutique means they only do patents) In both cases, I don't think they even considered my grades. However, I think that is because of my patent experience (almost 8yrs between pto and firms). I have been told that patent law is different and that grades are not nearly as important as they are for other fields. However, in recent years, I have heard that this may be changing a little bit. This would be a great question for Prof. Sung. He may have a better idea on what to expect with not quite so much experience.
5. When should I aim to take the patent bar?
The guy from PLI said the other week suggested as soon as possible and I can't disagree. I would not suggest doing it during the school year. Also, you can wait until after you are finished but I can not see it being any better after you have just taken the bar. At that point, I'm sure the last thing you will want to do is more studying. If you are not planning on taking summer classes, summer may be a good time to focus on it. However, I will warn you, it is time consuming and not very fun. I have learned some tips and tricks along the way I'd be happy to share.
I took some notes of the PLI presentation, I'll copy and paste them below. Please feel free to ask any questions if they do not make sense.
if you study on your own, takes about 300 hrs (entire summer)
If you take a course takes about half time.
Two different possibilities if you take a course, in person or by dvd
Difference is how things are provided.
Can you survive self paced?
Don't forget food/lodging when calculating $$ if you do in person
When should you take?
Nothing you take in law school will help you pass the exam.
It is about patent prosecution not patent law.
Knock it out at your earliest point
6. Is there any thing importnat that I should know that first year students wouldnt know about IP?
Hmmm. Other than the stuff above? You don't actually need a science degree to work in IP. It helps, it is generally required for patent prosecution, but other than that any lawyer can basically do IP work. (I can also give you some perspective as to what the "real world" actually looks like, but I'll save that for another day)
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